The Need to Write

I was just rereading through some of my old posts, back when I regularly blogged on my MySpace page. I was a pretty solid writer for a good two years or so, and then it just seemed to quickly come to a halt. I was hoping to maybe find the event that sparked my writing or find whatever happened in my life that made me suddenly stop writing so prolifically. I had already been a blogger on LiveJournal throughout high school, but the intensity in my writing really picked up during my first year in college. Maybe some of it had to do with all the new experiences that I was going through in my life, which makes sense, but then what happened? It’s not like I just stopped experiencing life or having fun for the last two years. Even my journals are pretty spare, unless you go back a couple of years. It just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

I know I use to blame a lot of it on my Public Relations classes at school, since they were stifling my creativity. It really does take a good bit of effort to go from using an above-average vocabulary to having to write on the level of a 6th grader. I remember struggling to keep my sentences and words simple in my first PR class. But, I learned, and soon developed an AP writing style. Now, I’m trying to shake all that AP nonsense out of my head and go back to my creative writing, which was always way more fulfilling than writing a bunch of press releases all day.

But I really don’t think that’s it; it was just a good way to disguise my actual problem. I wrote quite a bit while I was living in London in July 2007, but then as soon as I returned, I just couldn’t pick my pen up anymore. I’d try, I remember having my journal by my bed, but anytime I’d have a thought and I’d go to write it down, it would immediately disappear. Then I thought that maybe I could start writing in a blog again, which fell flat. And now, I’m in danger of doing the same thing all over again.

This time I’m determined though. I’m going to start making myself write every day, no matter how long or how short the story may be. It doesn’t matter what it is, or if anyone even reads it, but I need to start writing again. Besides music and photography, writing was the only other things that I really found joy in doing. I was a happier person when I was writing on a regular basis, that much is definitely true. And it’s time to recapture that happier person from my past. I know that my head wants to write, but it’s almost like it’s too afraid to. However, there’s no more time left to be afraid – now is the perfect time to react.

I will do this. I will be a “writer” again. My brain and I just need to do some re-syncing.

I do know that I use to end my blogs with my current music and/or a quote. Maybe I should pick that tradition back up too.

Listening to:

Pandora Radio, Duran Duran Station: Talk Talk – “It’s My Life”

Tennessee vs. South Carolina

No, I’m not here to rehash the beating that Tennessee took from South Carolina in the only game of the season where I will actually root for those nasty Gamecocks. Although you will hear me mention USC again in this post…

I’m here to discuss the very real fact that I might be moving back to South Carolina. Soon. Like within the month. There are some of you out there that already know the story and have heard me mention this, but I feel it is necessary to explain the situation fully, not only for those who don’t exactly know what’s going on, but also because it’s helping me make a really hard decision.

(To all December and future RIM graduates – if you don’t already have a job lined up or have connections somewhere, I’m terribly sorry. We might have had the most awesome degree program ever during college, however it’s quite useless in the real world. Find a part-time job and start your own company.)

Everyone knows that after graduation, I moved the 25 miles up the interstate to live in Nashville and be closer to my job at Sunglass Hut. However, I decided in September to remove myself from that job and go elsewhere. It is now December and I still haven’t found that elsewhere. And it’s not because I’m not looking. If I was a RN, I could have had a job at Vandy, Baptist or St. Thomas like two months ago. (Note: I did just send in my resume to AristoMedia, however the position doesn’t open until January, so who knows when they’ll be doing interviews.)

When I originally decided to put in my two weeks notice, I was going to finish my two weeks, go to Italy, then come back and get a job. However while I was in Italy, the economy decided to tank, which is now screwing me over. I know, I know, I should have stayed with Sunglass Hut until I actually found another job; trust me, I’m kicking myself now for not toughing it out. I was just way too unhappy with the situation.

Either way, here I am, still unemployed. And now it appears that my best option might just be to move back home. I don’t want to give up on Nashville yet; I love this city and all of my friends are here, but at the same time, I have to get my life on a better track. So the deal is I either find a job soon or move home.

I’ve been weighing this moving home option in my head a lot over the past week now. I moved out of South Carolina four years ago and vowed never to move back. However, I’ve also grown up a lot in the past four years and have come to realize that Greenville really isn’t a bad place. And the job market seems to be way more open than Nashville’s.

If I move home, I will automatically be saving my parents a lot of money, because yes, they are having to help me out with my rent and bills. And I really hate that feeling. However, I will also have to live with them again, and having to give up my awesome one-bedroom apartment is not my ideal situation. Then again, I will be able to save a lot of money since I won’t have to worry about paying rent, electric, water and internet bills.

I have also been contemplating going back to school. I cannot make the move to London until 2010, so it seems that law school would be the better option at this point. I would actually need to take the LSAT, since I’ve only taken a practice one, and I know I’d actually study if I was at home. I do have a list of schools: USC, Ole Miss, GA State, UGA (for Rachel), and probably Charleston School of Law. No offense to the Nashville School of Law, but I know I can do better than that, but I’m not Vandy material either. I also have tons of connections to lawyers and law firms throughout SC thanks to my aunt and various members of my country club.

I have also been thinking about going back to Sunglass Hut, but just not in the Nashville area. I left because of my regional manager and unfortunately, he controls the entire state of Tennessee. However, I have emailed my former zone manager, who is based out of Atlanta to see if maybe she can help me get back in the company. But if that becomes an option, then that definitely means a move out of Nashville.

I guess it seems that most of my options are going to require a move out of Nashville. And I think that I have truly realized that in my head but I’m just not willing to accept defeat and move on from it yet. It takes so much more to actually move home than it does to move away from home.

-k

Avenues of Neon Photography

Just so you know, I have finally gotten my photography blog up and running here on WordPress! A link to the page can be found to the right of your screen or you can just follow this link – Avenues of Neon Photography.

Below is just a few samples of what you may find…

I’ve seen high-schoolers debate better

Like some of you I’m sure, I suffered through the second presidential debate, which took place in my backyard last night. And I, like I’m sure some of you, was ready to throw my beer bottle at the screen in hopes that both candidates would just shut the hell up. However, I enjoy too much HD wonderfulness on my boyfriend’s 108″ screen (hooray for projectors!) to do such a thing. And yes, I was watching the debate in HD. Why? Because I could. I’m just glad it’s over so that the police can stop standing guard on every street corner in Nashville.

So I know I should start blogging more, but in my defense, I was out of the country for nine days. Then again, I’ve been back for a week now and since I’m jobless, I really have no excuse.

You see, I decided that before I left for Italy, I was going to put my two-weeks notice in with my employer. I had a laundry list of complaints about a company that I use to love working for, so I just decided not to take it anymore. Long story short, they let me go the night I put my two-weeks in, so I called HR the next day and got the full two weeks paid for. Don’t fuck with me, I’ll get what I deserve.

I was hoping to have at least another part-time retail job lined up when I got home so that I could look for a “real” job. However, because the company I wanted to go work for is owned by my former employer (yet they are still competitors), they want to put a little more space in between the end of my last job and the beginning of working with them. It’s all bullshit and politics, so I’m just going to move on. Time for me to find a “real” job anyways.

To continue with the pattern of my last rant, one of my biggest passions has been photography. A couple of years ago, I started a little side business in hopes of making a bit of extra money on the side. Unfortunately though, most of my clients at the time (unsigned college bands) could not pay me in cash; although I gladly accepted the free entrances to shows and all the free booze my then underage self could handle. I slowly started paying more attention to graduating than the photography and I haven’t really done much since the end of 2006. I picked up a job (for free) to help some friends out with a final project in April, and that led me to want to pick my camera back up.

Avenues of Neon Photography is now back up and running, thanks to all of this free time that I have on my hands. And because I now have a degree hanging on my wall, I’m not doing anymore charity work. I’m in the process (probably over the weekend) of reorganizing my website, creating a blog (that will be here on WordPress at http://avenuesofneonphotography.wordpress.com), and getting my name back out in the music community. I’m pretty excited to get back into things, and can’t wait to see what I’m able to accomplish with it this time around.

I’m also putting my resume out there as well, because I know the photography won’t make me enough to pay the bills (maybe one day though). My spirits are high though and I hope to have a couple of pretty productive days coming up. Basically, I’m just going to roll with it and see what happens…

What’s your passion?

I never said that I would update often, but maybe it’s time to explain the changes I mentioned in my disclaimer post below.

I just graduated from a school outside of Nashville, Tenn, with a Bachelor of Science in Recording Industry. No, I am not an aspiring singer, songwriter or musician. I went to school in order to help manage these potentials’ careers and possibly get my law degree and go into Intellectual Property Rights (which I’m still considering). But, as with most graduates with my major, I am jobless. Well, I had a job (just not an industry-related job), but I digress.

Through the course (and in particular, one certain class taken while in London last summer) of my college career, I slowly began to realize that my passion for music was not translating into a love for the industry. It has major flaws, and while I’m not here to discuss those (maybe another time), I could see myself growing more impatient with the system. However, I was lucky enough to take the before-mentioned London course, British and American Popular Culture: The Trans-Atlantic Call and Response, and it changed everything. I finally realized that my passion wasn’t in being an A&R representative or being the manager to some stuck-up bitch, but in that I loved the culture around the music; the way people changed their lives based around certain types of music, how individual artists influenced each other throughout the years and became cultural icons today.

So, as of now, I’ve decided that I’m going to seek out my Masters in British and American Popular Culture Studies. What would one do with this you ask? Teach, college level of course, and I’ve had many friends tell me I’d be perfect for it. I am still contemplating going to law school to get involved with intellectual property rights (copyright law), but I see that as something that I can always go back to in the future. While there are several great programs (many of which are located in Kentucky/Ohio for some reason) for my Masters in the U.S., I think I’ve decided that I’m going to move back to London to obtain the degree. Sometimes I think I’m just looking for any excuse to get back to London, but I see nothing wrong with that.

I have also contemplated getting an associates degree in digital photography, which is another big passion of mine. This degree I have already researched fully, and found a school in London for $9000 (roughly, depending on the exchange rate) a term, which includes a fully furnished apartment. It’s slightly ridiculous, not really a useful degree, but again, it gets me back to London.

Sadly, I will not be able to seek out a move to London until 2010 – one of my best friends from my hometown is getting married in 2009, which is preventing an earlier move. Don’t worry, she’s already had a guilt trip from me, but unfortunately the situation is out of everyone’s hands (Thank you to the U.S Army, Bush, and the war in Iraq). It does give me time to figure out all the plans though.

Well, shit. I’ll be honest. I started the post with (I think) intentions on going more into my passion for photography, but hell if I can remember now. But, I’ve already written this much, so I can’t let it all go to waste. Maybe I’ll figure it out in a bit and come back for something that actual makes sense. Probably not though…

Just a little disclaimer…

So, I’m not quite sure what exactly I’m doing posting to a blog again, but something about it seems right now. Actually, a friend of mine got me to join this site in hopes that I would become a contributor to his blog (http://windblownwarrior.wordpress.com/). This to me sounded like a great idea; I use to claim myself as a “writer”, yet over the past couple of years, I have fallen down on the job. This blog contribution idea seemed like the perfect way to get me back into the swing of things. But alas, I haven’t found the motivation inside in order to sit down at my computer to type anything out. However, it seems now that the tides have changed…

I don’t really expect to get much out of this, and I definitely don’t expect many people to read it – save for those few folks that will be directed towards this page for various reasons (friends, boyfriend, sympathy votes maybe?), but in the end, I feel like it will be good for me. Be prepared for lots of (probably long-winded) rants about everything and nothing and probably the occasion post with some of my photography in it.

As a recent college graduate, I’m going through the same life changes as most recent grads; growing up, avoiding the “real world” as much as possible and actually trying to figure it out what I want to do with the rest of my life.

And this blog shall become a documentation of all the adventures I shall come across in the meantime…